Not Wrong, Just Different
by whimsicalMedley
Summary: In which Lance comes out to the team.


**LOOK WHO'S PROJECTING AGAIN! ME!**

 **Genderfluid Lance is amazing and I'll fight on this. Sorry not sorry.**

 **Note: Pidge's pronouns are "he" in the beginning of this story bc Lance thought she was a boy.**

* * *

 _gen·der·queer_

 _1\. denoting or relating to a person who does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders._

* * *

Looking back, Lance had always known that he—no, _they_ —were different.

They were uncomfortable with being referred to as " _he"_ sometimes. They remember feeling like their skin was crawling, and how they wanted to cry. Other times, it felt right. Sometimes, they even wanted to be called " _she,"_ and frankly, it was terrifying. Lance had no idea what any of it meant, so they suffered in silence. They couldn't tell their family. What could Lance even say? "Hey, sometimes I feel like a girl, sometimes I feel like a boy, and sometimes I feel like neither." Yeah, _that_ would go over well.

At the Garrison, it only seemed to get worse. Nobody would understand this. They felt like a complete freak. There were days when Lance just felt _wrong,_ disgusted with their body, and they had no idea why. Other days, they loved their body. It was confusing, and Lance was worried that they were going insane.

One day, when they were about sixteen (fifteen maybe? They had no idea), they stumbled across the word "genderfluid" online. " _A fluctuation in a person's gender"_ was what it had been described as, " _when a person can feel like a boy, a girl, or even neither. Pronouns frequently used for this gender are they/them, or even ones like xe/xem."_

Lance had cried.

After that day, Lance began to refer to themself as " _they,"_ and it felt so, _so_ good. They didn't tell anyone, but they started to buy things like makeup and skirts. They picked up a skincare routine. They finally felt _comfortable_ in their own skin. When nobody was around, Lance would do their makeup and put on their favorite skirt. They promised themself that they'd tell someone if it came up.

In reality, they were scared.

How would people react? How would their friends react? Would everyone call Lance a freak? They were scared to find out. So they didn't say anything.

That didn't last long.

* * *

Hunk was the first one to find out.

Lance had barely made it through the day, her body shaking and her breathing erratic. Gender dysphoria was a bitch. Lance knew enough by now to refer to herself as a she when she needed to, but the feeling of dysphoria always stole her breath and sent her spiralling into a panic attack.

The second Lance made it to her room, she broke.

Tears made their way down her face, and she held a pillow to her chest as she rocked back and forth. Lance was on the floor, in front of her bed, and was relieved that Hunk wouldn't be back for a few hours. She could ride this out on her own. She'd done it before.

"Lance?"

Lance froze. Hunk turned the lights on, and his eyes were wide as he looked at her.

"Hey, what's wrong man?"

Lance visibly flinched, inhaling shakily.

"Nothing—I'm—it's nothing Hunk." She rasped, and Hunk looked at her in disbelief.

"Lance. Talk to me." Hunk shut the door quietly and made his way over to Lance, sitting in front of her. Knowing there was no way out of this, Lance braced herself and told him.

Afterwards, Hunk nodded slowly.

"So…you're feeling more like a girl right now?" He asked, and Lance nodded, running her fingers through her hair. Without warning, Hunk gathered Lance in his arms and hugged her tight.

"It's okay. How can I help?"

Lance bit her lip so hard she tasted blood, and muttered that she had a dress and some makeup in her closet. The brunette was fairly certain she'd feel a hell of a lot better if she had those. Hunk immediately went to get them, and smiled when he saw them.

"This is really pretty dress!" He exclaimed, and Lance laughed.

"It matches my eyes." She whispered, and Hunk grinned.

A few hours later, Lance was sitting in her favorite dress, her eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man, and applying concealer to Hunk's face.

"You sure you want me to do your makeup buddy?" Lance asked, and Hunk nodded enthusiastically.

"Yours looks amazing, and I've always wanted to try it!" Lance laughed delightedly, but then paused.

"Hey," she started, looking at the floor, "thank you. I feel…a lot better."

Hunk made sure Lance was looking him in the eye, and then said, "that's what best friends are for. You talk to me whenever you need it."

"You don't think I'm a freak?" Lance asked, her voice small. Hunk grabbed her hand and smiled at her softly.

"You're like my sibling, Lance. I'd never think you were a freak."

Lance's smile was blinding. She was grateful for a lot of things in life, and her best friend was definitely one of the biggest things to be grateful for.

* * *

It had been months since Lance had told Hunk, and they felt better than ever. Pidge was an addition to their friend group, and Lance liked him, even if he was a little weird. Every Friday, Lance and Pidge would meet up in Pidge's room to play video games.

It was during one of those Fridays that Lance decided it was time to tell Pidge.

"Hey," Lance took a deep breath, and steeled themself, "I need to tell you something."

"Hm?" Pidge hummed distractedly.

"I'm genderfluid."

The pause in Pidge's hands was terrifying, but then he resumed his game.

"Alright. Pronouns?" He asked offhandedly, and Lance blinked in surprise.

"Uh…they and them?" They answered, and Pidge nodded.

"You…you're still my friend, right?" Lance asked timidly, and Pidge huffed indignantly.

"The only way I'll stop being your friend is if you don't start helping me beat this level." Lance knew that Pidge was trying to sound annoyed, but he was smiling. Lance laughed lightly, and turned towards the game.

"You got it!"

Hours later, right before Lance left, they felt a pair of arms wrap around their torso.

"Thanks for telling me." Pidge whispered, and then the door shut.

* * *

Lance had no idea how long the team had been in space, but they could feel the pangs of homesickness daily.

They missed their mom and her big hugs, their dad and the way he ruffled Lance's hair when they did something good. They even missed their loud siblings, the younger ones always crawling over them and demanding attention, and the older ones laughing with them over the stupid jokes they told.

The team was on a mission on some weird planet, trying to gain allies. The team was doing well, and everything was going smoothly, but…

"Lance? Oh, he's the blue paladin." Lance heard Keith say, and they could feel their discomfort simmering beneath the surface of their skin.

 _He._

Taking a deep breath, Lance excused themself and made their way outside. They focused on their breathing, trying to calm down.

 _Inhale four seconds…hold seven seconds…exhale eight seconds…_

"Hey, you alright?"

Keith.

Lance jumped and turned to Keith, their smile feeling fake.

"Yep, all good here!" Lance said, their voice sounding too high. Keith crossed his arms.

"Lance, your face is bright red, and you practically bolted out of the room. Are you okay?" Keith asked again, and Lance slumped against the wall, their smile dropped like a cheap act.

"I…okay. I'm going to tell you something, and if you judge me, I'm going to rip your mullet out of your head." Lance said, and Keith merely nodded, eyes serious.

"I don't like being referred to as "he." I'm genderfluid, and I usually use they and them pronouns, so being called "he" makes me really uncomfortable and—" Lance was cut off by the look on Keith's face. His eyes had widened, and Lance was momentarily terrified that Keith was going to laugh in their face.

Lance was even more surprised when they felt Keith put a hand on their back and pull them into a hug.

"I'm so sorry Lance. I didn't know." Keith said, and Lance's face flushed. Their heartbeat picked up, and they buried their face in Keith's shoulder and clung tight. Had Keith always smelled this good?

"I—It's alright. Now you know." Lance replied, their throat tight.

"I won't use "he" anymore. I promise."

Keith didn't mention the tears tracking down Lance's face, so Lance didn't mention the way that Keith held them like they were something precious.

* * *

Lance had always appreciated Shiro's strength. Especially when they were training.

The team was currently taking a break from the training deck, and Lance was drinking down water like they were dying. They were sweaty and gross and cranky, considering they'd all been at this for hours. Lance wanted nothing more than to sleep.

"Hey, good job out there today." Shiro's voice said, right next to him. Lance looked over and smiled widely.

"Thanks dude! You're doing great too, as always." They said with a laugh, and Shiro snorted.

"Thanks Lance."

The two sat in a comfortable silence, and Lance discreetly looked over at him, debating internally. The rest of the team had taken Lance's gender well, so maybe…

"Hey Shiro, what would you say if I told you that I was genderfluid?"

Shiro blinked in surprise, but then a smile warmed his face.

"I'd thank you for trusting me enough to tell me, and then I'd probably ask you what pronouns I should use. Why?"

Lance let out a breath they didn't know they were holding.

"I'm genderfluid. Also, my pronouns are they and them."

Shiro clapped them on the back, and then thanked Lance for being honest. Lance felt lighter than ever.

* * *

"Genderfluid?" Allura asked, her expression puzzled, "what does that mean?"

Lance looked around nervously, and saw their team smiling at them encouragingly.

They could do this.

"It means that my gender fluctuates. Sometimes I feel more masculine, sometimes I feel more feminine, and sometimes I don't feel like either. I like they and them pronouns, so I was hoping you could use those from now on?"

Allura and Coran's expressions went from confused to understanding.

"Oh! We had something like that on Altea, but it wasn't called genderfluid. Why didn't you just say that in the first place?" Coran asked, and the team grinned widely.

"Well, it isn't accepted by everyone on Earth, so I was worried…" Lance trailed off, and Allura looked indignant.

"What do you mean, it's not accepted? It's just a gender! Who could possibly care about another's gender that much?"

Lance laughed loudly, relieved, and hugged Allura and Coran tightly.

"Thanks, you guys." They whispered, and the two Alteans hugged them back.

* * *

After everyone knew, Lance couldn't remember a time they felt more comfortable.

The team had managed to find a place to buy actual _clothes,_ and Lance had teared up when they got back to their room to find a skirt, and weird space makeup. Nobody batted an eye when Lance came into the control room in their favorite outfit and killer makeup. Everyone would switch the pronouns they used for Lance right after Lance asked them to.

When the team had downtime, Lance would sit them all down in the common area and do their makeup and hair. Allura would let Lance style her hair. Hunk would help Lance, ask Lance had taught Hunk how to do it back at the Garrison. Pidge would always complain, but everyone knew she loved it. Coran would always demand they do something silly to his mustache. Keith had no idea how to do any of it, but Lance was more than happy to do it for him (especially because they'd get an excuse to be closer to Keith). And Shiro always requested his eyeliner winged, much to Lance's amusement.

As everyone talked and laughed, their makeup in various states of completion, Lance sat back and smiled. They missed their family dearly, but sitting in front of them was another family. A family that had accepted them for who they were.

And for now, that was enough.

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 **tumblr: the-heroic-hufflepuff**


End file.
